The quote that runs along my website is: Life is an experiment, and control is an illusion.
I wanted to share a bit about my story, because this quote is in fact, my own Positive Cognition that I came to in my own EMDR journey a few years ago.
I came to the first part of the positive cognition a bit earlier than the second half.
Life is an experiment.
To me, “life is an experiment” means that everything I do is based on the best information I have available to me right now, and sometimes I have to try and fail. Also, falling at an experiment, isn’t really failing because every time I “fail” I get new information. It helped me feel lighter as I walk through life because if the whole thing is an experiment, then I am a student and I get to keep learning and growing along the way. It relieved me of this pressure to get everything perfectly right.
Some context for me at the time, was that in this season of life I was really struggling with a lot of big feelings and a lot of medical issues. It felt like I was under a microscope (and in fact, bits of me were at times), I was getting tests, and I had to watch everything I ate and see if eating this impacted that, or eating that impacted this, I had to keep an eye on my symptoms and note changes, and I had to keep track of a lot of data and appointments. It all felt so frustrating and it felt futile at points because everything was “unexplained” by modern medicine.
As I worked with my own therapist, she kindly offered me the add-on idea that control is an illusion.
Whoa.
I knew she was right, and it stuck with me. Control is an illusion.
Even though life is an experiment, it’s a much bigger experiment than one in a lab where you control the variables. In fact, I cannot control the variables. I can only control what I can control (which is very little in the grand scheme of things.)
This unlocked a new level of healing for me. It isn’t the right positive cognition for everyone- not everyone is dealing with the same struggles. Perhaps someone’s positive cognition is “I can control what I can control” and it helps them get out of bed in the morning.
But for me, I needed to release my sense of control and embrace the reality that I am not in control.
I share this because perhaps you too are having trouble relinquishing that idea of control over your life. If you are, let yourself imagine the idea that you aren’t in fact in control. See how it feels.
That’s my hope for you. One of my professors in grad school said “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” I’m not sure if that’s true every time, but it did feel a little frightening to me to let go of the idea of control. I’m walking around the world a little more honestly these days, and a little lighter.
If you are someone who struggles with this and are considering therapy I would be very happy to have a phone consultation with you. We need more brave people coming to embrace truth that will set them free.